Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
