so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
His nipple licking is glorious
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