glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's just like the Real World with babies
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
