i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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