She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
