so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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