I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
