I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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