you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
