I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
