apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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