So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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