i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
