I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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