no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
