it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
