Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
