Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
