I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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