You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
