Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
