Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
