Dual....:-)
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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