this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
