He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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