Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
