When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
"it" just moved
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
