once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
