just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
