fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
