drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
