Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
