Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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