Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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