I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
