I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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