Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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