; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
