My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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