There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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