This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
