oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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