why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
