I CAN MOONWALK!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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