you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
