she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So much rum. So many feels.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
