yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
