watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
