Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
