Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
