It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
