i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
People in love make me want to vomit
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
