I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
