Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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