Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
