All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
